Here is to New Beginnings

Wow, it's only been a month?

I've never felt so alive, happy, sexy! I'm free, I don't need him. It's such an exhilarating feeling! I don't even think about him. I've gotten asked out on so many dates. I've lost 40 lbs and counting. Going to the gym everyday. Going out by myself...I'm truely comfortable being by myself. Ah I can't explain it. Love my life.

Au moins vous ne serez jamais un légume : même artichauts ont un coeur.

We broke up

Fuck men. I'm really not looking forward to dating again. I just don't understand how you can throw away 2 years. 2 years!!!! I'm really trying to find happiness again. So far I'm really good at pretending.

Love Letter

"Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours"

That is all.

Oi big fight tonight. Don't want to go into it, in fear of reliving some of the emotions. In the end we made up and came out of it with bruised egos and hurt feelings. Hmm. Anyway, I finished a hat today for myself finally. I don't know if I like it yet, perhaps it just needs to grow on me. Now I am making an elebit, for some guy on a forum that I post on. Well I am trying at least. I am on attempt #2. Hopefully I can figure it out. Ugh, I am so emotionally drained...I should have went to bed like 3 hours ago. I'm so sleepy, but I can't sleep. I really really reallyyyyyyy need to start going to the gym. My goal is to be able to climb a rock wall by next summer. I miss running. Apparently so does my ever-expanding waistline. It's getting bad, so I need to nip it in the bud. Well, perhaps it is too late for that, but I am inspired to go work out. Now to somehow avoid Holiday foods D: That is going to be a feat in itself. ANYWAY, I really should go to bed.

Love and Peace.

Duty days=Off to mother's house.

UGH, it's so hard to remember to write in this thing.

Will had duty last night so I went to my mothers and spent the night. I hate being home alone, especially because I think my house is haunted :P. I finally put the pictures from Halloween up on my Facebook. Hmm what else..I took my sister sock shopping yesterday, bought yarn, made her a hat, and crashed on my mother's sofa. I don't know what I am going to do when we move out of state and Will has duty. My cat is demanding attention so I'm going to cut this short. Maybe I'll write another post today....maybe.

PS I heard the BEST quote the other day.

"Happiness is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's warmth."

Made me smile :)

I think we'er alone now.

Ahhh, the morning after.

Lucky me I'm not hungover. EVERYONE got freaking piss-drunk. I really wasn't in the partying mood so I fell asleep on the couch. This morning though, after vicarious morning sex, We got up, cleaned up, and went and got the most amazing Chai Lattes on this side of town. Can I just say the Fair Grounds is the most fantastic discovery that I have ever discovered. I always feel like a hipster in Seattle whenever I go to the heavenly place on Colley Ave. We love Colley.

After we got home Mark made me sit down and watch Hamlet 2. Holyfuckingawesomeassmovie!!!!! I think I came a little at the ending. By the way I want a "I love fat chicks" t-shirt. The irony of that would be to fabulous for words. Time to go dance on the front porch. Suck it bitches.

Let Them Eat Cake

I know, I know, I know. I am HORRIBLE at keeping up with these things. I'm sure no one reads them anyway, so maybe I am just wasting my time on here. No, I won't look at it like that. I like going back to my old journals and seeing how much I have grown and changed. I have come to the recent realization that I DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME!! It's the most beautiful, enlightening, and elating feeling in the world. They can think whatever they want of me, as long as I am happy with myself, nothing else matters. I don't NEED anyone but me. Even if I am stuck in a rut without a job, if I needed to leave and start a new life (God forbid) I could. As much as I love Will, I have finally realized if I needed to leave him, I could. Not saying that in a mean way, just saying I know I could survive on my own. I used to be the type who was SOOOO needy and I needed everyone's approval. A people pleaser of sorts. I would kick myself and go crazy trying to figure out why someone doesn't like me, and throw everything out of proportion. I don't care. Those who do like me, like me for me, those who don't, can suck it!

So once again I am up before the sun, it's nice. The only thing is that I get tired mid-day. I don't know why. I wonder if there is anything I can take to cure this, like a vitamin or something. Hmm. Okay, I have nothing more to write at this time. Hopefully I can remember to update this a lot more.

Peace and Love,

Chanssee